My life's play-by-play

I've been told to update by numerous people, so I am.

Let's see.. My treatment is going well--as far as I know, anyway. I'm still having issues with eating on a regular basis because of nausea but I'm still alive, so it's always a good day.

The reality has set in that I'm moving 3,000 miles away from everything that is familiar to me in five days. I think I'm done being excited about it; Now I'm just scared. I won't elaborate on my fears and insecurities because worrying is a waste of energy. I'll just have to cross those bridges when I come to them.

I had to stop by the animal shelter today to give them my new address, so that I can at least stay on their mailing list. When I got there, I was immediately approached by the foster coordinator who asked if I would take care of a litter of puppies until they were old enough to be adopted. It broke my heart to have to tell her no, but it's not like I have much of a choice in the matter--I'm moving in less than a week! She took me back to see the pups, anyway; It was a complete overload of cuteness. They were all asleep, piled on top of each other in their little bed basket. I'm sure there will be no problems with getting them adopted once they're old enough.

That makes me wonder.. does anyone else get all smiley and fuzzy-feeling while viewing puppies? In particular, when they play. They just have such a lust for life and everything is so simple for them. If I could imagine what an 8-week old puppy is thinking it would be something like: "Check it out! I was born, I can see, smell, hear, taste now, the world is big and beautiful and life is gooood! K, gotta catch my tail."

I had a delicious bee sting latte today. For those of you who don't know, that's a latte with cinnamon and orange flavoring. I scalded my tongue on the first sip, so it stung literally but I still managed to enjoy it. Tomorrow, I think I will go to Pike Place and get some tea from Market Spices. Their signature blend is soooo good over ice.

Moving on: Lately I've been waking up in the mid-sleep cycle, terribly confused as to why my pillow is playing music. The reason is obvious, it's a pillow with speakers so, when you plug your mp3 player into it, it will play music; it helps me fall asleep. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm fighting a losing battle with it, though. Sure, it helps me fall asleep but I also wake up a lot, tired and flustered, wondering where the music is coming from. Maybe I should read a book to fall asleep instead.

Okay, this post is incoherent and .. rambley. Yes, I'm pretty sure I just made that word up. Presently, it feels like I'm being stabbed in the stomach, so I think I'm going to grab a pain pill.

-Fin-

Last post for today, I promise.

Just a little slideshow with some pictures I took last time I was on the island (um.. Puerto Rico). Most of them are of El Yunque (the rainforest), Old San Juan, and some beaches in Aguadilla.

You'll notice that our house (as pictured) in on "stilts," and that's because hurricanes are no fun when they flood your house.

For someone (I'll never tell)

Just feeling a little bit like this song right now
http://media.putfile.com/falling-for-you-30

Said there'd be no going back
Promised myself I'd never be that sad
Maybe that's why you've come along
To show me it's not always bad...

'Cause I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to let go
I'm scared 'cause my heart has been hurt so

It's true I've become a skeptic
How many couples really love?
Just wish I had a crystal ball
To show me if it's worth it all

'Cause I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to let go
I'm scared 'cause my heart has been hurt so

I've got to be sure
'Cause it's been so long
And I cannot take the pain again
If it all goes wrong

'Cause I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to let go
I'm scared 'cause my heart has been hurt so..

I want you so much (believe me, my love)..
I need you so much..
I want you so much (believe me, my love)..
I need you so much..

Tales from the nail salon..

So I got a manicure yesterday. Not that interesting, right? Well, let's mix it up a bit:

I usually get my nails done by Hiep, an adorable little Vietnamese woman who always makes comments about my "beautiful hands" and about how much she loves my jewelry. Well, today when I went in, it was getting close to closing time and, unfortunately for all of the poor manicurists, three women came in wanting pedicures as soon as I sat down with Hiep. She brought over a soak-bowl and had me put my hands in it, but kept looking nervously at the women waiting at the front of the salon. Finally, she turned back to me and said that she was going to start their pedicures and that she would have someone else come and finish my manicure (of course, apologizing profusely all the while; I guess she thought I'd be upset). I cheerfully complied, and she went off to do her thing while I waited for my "new" maicurist to come to my station.

So, then Jimmy sat down in front of me. Jimmy is one of the most attractive asian men I've ever seen. He pulls my hands gently out of the soak bowl and towels them off, then taking a moment to hold them in his and look into my eyes: "What's your name, dear?" he asked. All I could do was sputter something back "ehh.. Rayna."

"Rayna? That's a pretty name. I'm Jimmy." He proceeded to start working on my nails. "G-good to meet you.." is all I managed to squeek out before I felt my cheeks flush. He continued to carry out the task set before him, putting me at ease with questions about school, work, etc, occasionally making a comment about my beautiful hands (what is it with manicurists liking my hands, anyway?) or carefully inserting a different compliment. I was surprised at how quickly, but thoroughly, he worked. And he was so gentle, I felt like I was going to melt. Most manicurists, including Hiep, will work on one hand while the other rests on the cushion at the edge of the table. Jimmy would make sure to carefully rest my free hand on his forearm while he worked on the other.

And then when it came time for the massage (yes, they massage your hands and forearms), there was obviously a phenomenal difference. His hands were so much stronger than Hiep's or any of the other ladies' in the salon. At this point, I was so relaxed that I almost felt like I was going to fall asleep. But damned if my pulse didn't quicken a bit every time he instructed me to do something; He would always add an affectionate term onto the end like "dear" or "love." When he was finally finished and stood up to go assist Thuy with the pedicures, he walked around behind me put his hands on my shoulder and leaned in close to my ear to half-whisper: "I'm going to go take care of these ladies, now. I'll send Soo over in just a couple of minutes to put a top-coat on those nails, okay love?" I just nodded--I didn't even want to attempt to say anything.

So, anyway.. I've rambled. That was my 30-minute love affair with Jimmy the manicurist. I don't know why he acted that way with me; He didn't with the other women he worked on (while I was there, at least). If I were staying in the area, I would probably start scheduling every other appointment with him. It was such a relaxing experience.

... that reminds me that I'm going to have to find a new nail salon in Mass. Oh, woe is me!

Went to the cinema

and saw The Descent with Amber. After the movie was over, I had to ask the mandatory question about our friendship:

***DON'T READ THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU PLAN ON SEEING THE MOVIE/CARE ABOUT THE ENDING***
"Hey Aaaamber? If you and I were trapped in a caaaave and we had these slimy bat-like/human-like creatures chasing us and trying to eaaaat us, you wouldn't, like, stab a climbing pick into my leg and then leave me for dead, riiiight?"
**K, YOU'RE SAFE AGAIN**

She said 'no.' This is the question that separates your real friends from your sham ones, folks.

I might be going to Wild Waves with her tomorrow, if I can get out of the Hadassah dinner that I promised my mother I would go to with her. I really didn't feel like it when she first mentioned it, but if I can just get over being so dirned self-conscious, I think we could have a lot of fun. I don't even know if I could locate both parts of my swimsuit at this point. I think I know where the top is.. hmm..

(Wild Waves is a water amusement park, by the way)

Update: after about 30 minutes of looking, I still can't find either part of my 'kini. I must have packed it already. :(

Poetry

I was going through one of my poetry treauries and found this one. I liked it a lot.

The Kiss
Sara Teasdale

Before you kissed me only winds of heaven
Had kissed me, and the tenderness of rain--
Now you have come, how can I care for kisses
Like theirs again?

I sought the sea, she sent her winds to meet me,
They surged about me singing of the south--
I turned my head away to keep still holy
Your kiss upon my mouth.

And swift sweet rains of shining April weather
Found not my lips where living kisses are;
I bowed my head lest they put out my glory
As rain puts out a star.

I am my love's and he is mine forever,
Sealed with a seal and safe forevermore--
Think you that I could let a beggar enter
Where a king stood before?

I'm going to sleep, now.

Silly things you always wanted to know about me..

..and some things you didn't. Fun stuff.

In two words, explain what ended your last relationship? apathy; selfishness.

Your prom night? Stressful, but rewarding. I felt like a princess when I walked out the door. This was probably the only time my mother let me wear my super expensive diamond necklace. I was so iced out.

Do you have any famous ancestors? I don't think so.. I mean, my paternal grandfather was a renowned sociologist/criminologist and a dean of students at Bowling Green State University. He has a scholarship fund named after him and has been mentioned in various books and publications. Don't know if that makes him famous, though.

Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school? Of course. I don't think I'd be able to shoulder $28k/academic year otherwise.

Last thing received in the mail? a postcard from someone in Finlaaaaaand!

How many different beverages have you drank today? Two: lattes and water.

Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines? umm.. yes.

Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? TLC or something.. Something completely 90s.

What's the most painful dental procedure you've had? When I had my wisdom teeth removed, I developed "dry socket." That's something I won't wish on my worst enemy.

What is out your back door? .. um, a patio and my garden.

Any plans for Friday night? Probably go hang out with Amber--we're supposed to party hard before I leave for school.

Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? ick, no. It dries it out. :( (but I still like the ocean anyway)

Have you ever been to a planetarium? Yes! When I was little, I was a big astronomy nerd, so my daddy took me to one on my birthday. :D

Some things you are excited about? going to UMass (go Minutemen!! Yeah!!) and making new friends, playing for their rugby team, buying things for my dorm room..

What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? I don't really like JELLO. If I did, though, I would probably like the green flavor.

Describe your keychain: It's a six-pointed star with a traveller's prayer written in hebrew on the back.

Where do you keep your change? Various places around my room and in my car.

When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? Last term, in front of my anatomy & physiology class. I had to give lecture on ebola virus. Fun stuff.

What kind of winter coat do you have? A cream-colored peacoat.

What was the weather like on your graduation day? Nice, I think. Everything was held indoors, so it's hard to recall.

Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? Closed. I find issue with my roommate being able to see me sleeping.

Something purple within 10 feet of you? My sheets!

Sexiest item you own? .. that's for me to know and for you to hopefully never find out.

Weirdest item you've put in the microwave? I really don't think I've put anything weird in the microwave..

How much Japanese do you know? I know "konnichiwa/konbonwa," (or however you spell them), "arigatou," "genki desu ka."

Do you look good in yellow? No. Not at all.

Do you sing? Yes, like a rockstar.

Ever danced naked in front of a crowd? ..no.

Do you spit or smoke? Nope. Disgusting habits.

Least favorite color? Red. I can't stand red.

Ever played an instrument? oboe, flute, drums.. I'm trying to get better at violin and trying to learn guitar, piano.

Do you believe in Big Foot? Haha, no.

Ever been to a palm reader? don't believe in it.

What are you thinking about right now? someone. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. HAHA.

Ever had a black eye? Nope! Considering that I play rugby, I'd say this is an accomplishment.

Current dissappointment? Him.

Favorite drinks? Iced. Hibiscus. Tea. Oh, and lattes. So good..

Does anything hurt on your body right now? my ribs.

Where did you last ride a taxi? NYC.

Last alcoholic drink you had? A pina colada. It was delicious.

What were you doing last night? being a total nerd.

Did you do the deed on prom night? whose business is that?

Favorite food ever? I can't pick just one.

Sad news..

One of my penpals in Israel was drafted into the army reserves and he'll be gone for some weeks. This means I will be sick with worry until I hear from him again. :(

Speaking of being sick, I am. I mean, aside from the obvious. I blacked-out twice today: once in the shower (I hit my head on something, too.. I guess it was one of the fixtures), and once while I was working in the garden. I'm supposing that heat had to do with both times but, still, it shouldn't be happening at all. Peachy.

That aside, Back to Basics is tomorrow morning. It's a rugby clinic that [women's] Seattle Rugby Football Club does almost every year to help get back in the swing of things. The thing is, I won't be playing for SRFC this next year--I'll be in school and playing for UMass. However, my sister (who also plays for SRFC, and doesn't know I'm ill) is insisting that I go and there's no making excuses with her. She'll guilt me out until I finally agree to make an appearance. I figure it's only two hours long and we'll only be scrimmaging for about thirty minutes of that, so I shouldn't get too beat up.

But if I don't show up after I get back (around 1:00pm my time), it's probably because I was concussed into a coma, so don't wait up. :P

Then, on Sunday, my parents are throwing me and Amber (a friend) a big farewell party because we're both leaving the state at the end of this month (she's going to Arizona State U). It's very thoughtful and all, but I don't want to have to stand around for hours while friends of the family parade by to wish me luck. Also, I can imagine that the proverbial "cat" will come out of the proverbial "bag" during this because I probably won't eat anything, be vomiting frequently, and/or faint.

It's either I tell everyone or they'll think I'm pregnant by immaculate conception or something. How fun.

Okayokay, new subject:

I got in touch with my roommate-to-be. Generally, she seems pretty cool, considerate, clean.. However, from what I have gathered, I think she's devoutly Christian. I hope that this doesn't cause any problems. If it does, they certainly won't be from my side--my mantra is "you keep your religion in your way and I'll keep it in mine." But I will want to put a mezuzah on the door and will probably have all sorts of Jewish paraphernalia on my side of the room. It would really suck if that bothered her.

I'm sleepy, so I'm done for now. Maybe I'll phone post on the way to practice tomorrow.

Oh, I forgot:

This is what happens when you give Raynita some gel pens and some free time. Yes, that's my leg and,yes, that's a 'keylime unicorn' on it. I would try to explain what probably appears to be a blue raft in the background but I really just don't feel like it.

I haven't washed it off yet.. That's a job for the shower tomorrow!

P.S. I am superhuman and do not need sleep.

Because I have nothing to report..

.. enjoy a music video from one of my favorite spanish-language artists.

Amar Sin Ser Amada - Thalia

I'll translate the words because I'm bored and super cool:

All this time that I have listened
That I understood, that I consoled
I know that life is not easy
But now it's time to forget

I know that it's hard to start over again
That your wounds have marked you for always
But suffering has done you no good
It's a saying to learn from your mistakes

To love without being loved is like being stabbed
I won't make the same mistake again, never again
To love without being loved and being left
I don't think being put under means more to your other love (well, that doesn't translate well)
The he can't give me back all that I give to him
Everything that I gave to him but will never return
To love without being loved left my heart broken
But I can learn from this

It seems like karma from past sins
The punishment doesn't fit the crime
To give all of your heart, without conditions
To only recieve disappointment

You are not the only one who has suffered this badly
It's no consolation, it's already happened
But it has not been suffering without sense
It's a saying to learn from your mistakes

To love without being loved is like being stabbed
I won't make the same mistake again, never again
To love without being loved and being left
I don't think being put under means more to your other love (well, that doesn't translate properly)
The he can't give me back all that I give to him
Everything that I gave to him but will never return
To love without being loved left my heart broken
But I can learn from this

But suffering has done you no good
It's a saying to learn from your mistakes

To love without being loved is like being stabbed
I won't make the same mistake again.... etc

I looove Thalia and hope she never fully "crosses over" to English music. Stick to your roots, chica!! Don't be another Shakira!!

I wish I was her. She's so gorgeous. :)

seriously..

If someone could tell me why it sounds like my neighbor is, like.. chopping something (or someone) up with an electric carver right now, it would be greatly appreciated.

I'm just a smidgen creeped out, is all.

The diary of a culinary Queen

As per the request of a certain someone, I finally made falafel today.

I was pretty worried that I'd screw it up, so I was pleasantly surprised that they came out as good as they did. I spent the day over at my parents' place and did everything there, which turned out to be a good idea because I made a whole lot and really didn't eat any. My sister stopped by (conveniently enough), so she and my parents enjoyed the cooking.

Pictures:







My ingredients (fresh, of course).








The finished product. Half had already been consumed when I took this picture. All left-overs were bequeathed to my parents because I knew I would never eat them.






I also watched Main Hoon Na this evening. The two male leads in that movie are so cute.. ohh, yes.

Music videooo!

(removed: Honestly - Cartel)

I was watching some sort of music video show on TV today and this one came on. I liked it because it put me in mind of all my "penpals" and the whole interpals/mailfriends deal. I'm totally like the people in the video--I try to convey confidence via instant message/email, but am painfully shy and self-conscious in person. So, for all of you who are planning on moving to the U.S. and meeting me, be prepared for that. :P

Oh, and blogger probably hasn't seen the last of me for tonight.

By the way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLSA16ibya4 I admire these girls. Their lyrics are a bit.. lacking, but I still like them. Even though their style is a bit different, they make me think of 'The Unicorn' and how much fun we had rocking out together. I'm kind of wondering why their drummer has no vocals.. Hopefully it's because she can't sing and not because she's the drummer, as we drummers tend to get ignored (I alternated between lead vocals/back-up vocals in our band.. so maybe I was spoiled). Now I kind of wish I hadn't sold my set. Sad.

Housing notification

I'm pissed (not drunk, for all of you sillies who use that term--angry).

Not only did they put me in the ONLY all female dormitory on campus (Knowlton), but they didn't put me into the "international house" (unless somehow the entire quad = the international program). This means I'll probably have mostly female friends and that's no fun. For that stupid housing pref. application, I made sure to express that I didn't want to be in an all-girl dormitory. UGHUGHUGH!!

Okay, I suppose it does have its perks: I'll be able to walk from the shower back to my room in a towel because there will only be girls around. I won't have to go up or down the stairs for one semester to get to the bathroom (there is only one bathroom on boy-girl floors, so they'll designate it as the guys' bathroom for one semester and the girls' bathroom for the other. If it's not "your semester," you have to use a diff. bathroom on a diff. floor). It will probably be quieter, too. Okay.. I think I've reconciled the whole idea to myself. Feeling much better about it, now.

But as it stands right now though, I got completely shafted on classes AND housing preference. Weak. Maybe I'll be in Israel for spring semester.. I can only hope.

My classes for this semester, by the way, will be:
-ASCI360: Farm Animal Welfare & Care
-ENG270: Some sort of American Literature course (filler)
-HEB110: modern conversational Hebrew
-JUD365: "A Historical Perspective on Antisemitism (filler)
-RES211: Statistics, and I think they also teach us how to write discharge/treatment reports in this class.

And there's a BIO course floating around there somewhere, too. I have to find out what time that one's at.

k

I'll be in Canada for the day so..

If you have my cell number, give me a call. If you get a hold of me, kudos! If you don't, leave a voicemail. It will make my day, trust me.

Adventures in Rayna land

Okay, so today I did something that I haven't done in a very long time: sketch. For whatever reason, I just had the urge. So, I grabbed my tablet of cardstock and a pencil and went to the park.

After trying, unsuccessfully, to draw the ducks for a while, I set off in search of a more stationary model. I sat down in front of the totem pole in the Native Garden and tried rendering that but got bored with it pretty quickly, so I decided to go to the zoo to sketch, which was a first for me.

First, I tried the penguins, but the little guys moved around too much. Then, I went to the elephants, but they were facing away from me (not very sketchable). Finally, I went to the snow leopard exhibit. These guys were perfect because they, like any other cats, are just about the laziest creatures on the face of the planet and were contentedly basking in the sun.

Soooo..




I ended up drawing this handsome fella. Except my sketch doesn't do him justice. In fact, the more I look at it, the less I like. There are so many things that are wrong. Ugh. I got pretty lazy when I got done with the face so I just decided to quit.

Anyway, when I was done, I turned the tablet around so he could see his portrait. .. He actually yawned at me. What a jerk, I know.




After that, I came home and promptly fell asleep on the couch. That's why I'm awake right now. Don't fall asleep during the day, loves. It throws your whole body clock off.

Oh, yeah: I forewent cooking for him today. I guess I'm trying to regain some sort of control anywhere I can, although it didn't seem like he was too upset (I don't know if I should be glad or disappointed about that). I went to Minji's and got some vegetarian pho instead. I quite enjoyed it.

I also went to the bookstore, with a certain purchase in mind. That didn't work out very well--it never does. I couldn't find the book that I wanted, but I came out with three anyway. A book called From My Sister's Lips, which is about a Western woman's conversion to Islam; What she sees in it, etc (sounded interesting to me), aaaaand a couple of books of poetry. Good stuff.

I think this bears mention: I was instructed to remove the "I Stand with Israel" sticker from my car a couple of days ago because papa is afraid something bad will happen to me if I leave it on. I acquiesced finally, though I grumbled and complained all the while. I mean, I've had the sticker on there for almost as long as I've had the car. It looks so sad without it.

I guess this weekend one of my friends wanted me to go with her to Victoria, BC. I love Victoria and definitely do want to go.. But it entails almost five hours of travel time, which means we'd have to be up at the crack of dawn. Plus, she'll probably want me to drive, and there definitely will be no sleeping on the ferry. I'll probably end up going anyway, but it will probably do me well to take some sort of sleep aid the night before.

Lastly: I need a manicure. Seriously. I haven't been to see my manicurist in two weeks. She probably thinks I'm dead.

And now for something tragically romantic

Mima'amakim - The Idan Raichel Project
(removed video--too much media)

Sorry for being such a saddo, you guys. Rayna vs. Intraveinous Chemicals: Round Two happens tomorrow and I guess I'm feeling a bit emo about all that.

I'm going to share my remedy for the way I'm feeling.

The lyrics for the song translate as follows:

From the deep I called you: "come over"
When you return, the light will return again to my eyes
Not finished, not leaving the touch of your hands
That will come and will enlighten with the sound of your laughter

From the deep I called: "come over"
In front of a moon lighting your way back to me
Sliced and melted in front the touch of your hands
In your ear whispering, asking:

Who is calling you tonight ?--listen
Who sings out loud for you? --to your window
Who sacrificed his soul so you would be happy?
Who will give a hand and will build your home?

Who will give his life, put it beneath you?
Who, like dirt under your feet, will live?
Who will love you more than all of your lovers?
Who will save you from any evil spirit?
From the deep..

It seems like songs in languages other than english are always more romantic. Maybe that's why I can't find a nice guy--I'm in the wrong country. Anyone want to host a little Jewish Boricua-American on her quest to find true love? Anyone? :D

why am I addicted to him..?

He swears that he's in love with me; That he wants me back.

But actions speak louder than words, and his tell me otherwise. He has told me, to my face, on a number of occasions that I am outside his ideal (light skin, hair, eyes), that I'm not pretty enough. He's never on time. He always stays out later than he says he will and never calls. He relentlessly criticizes my seamstress work, knitting, and various other projects. He's notoriously unreliable. He can be ridiculously cruel.

So, why do I cook him dinner every night? Why do I keep his stupid house clean? Why do I fold and press all of his clothes neatly when I pull them out of the dryer? Why do I make his bed every morning? Why do I care?

We were supposed to go out tonight. He came home, changed out of his work clothes and started for the door. When I asked him where he was going, he told me that he was going to play poker with his friends. So, I reminded him that we had "a date." He just told me he was sorry and left.

Of course, tears started welling in my eyes. And then I realized that he's a jerk and he's not going to change, I shouldn't waste my energy.

But, inevitably, he'll get home and come into my room. I'll pretend that I'm sleeping, he'll come give me a kiss on the cheek, then leave again. And then I'll fool myself into thinking that maybe he isn't so bad.

Why am I still living here?