why am I addicted to him..?

He swears that he's in love with me; That he wants me back.

But actions speak louder than words, and his tell me otherwise. He has told me, to my face, on a number of occasions that I am outside his ideal (light skin, hair, eyes), that I'm not pretty enough. He's never on time. He always stays out later than he says he will and never calls. He relentlessly criticizes my seamstress work, knitting, and various other projects. He's notoriously unreliable. He can be ridiculously cruel.

So, why do I cook him dinner every night? Why do I keep his stupid house clean? Why do I fold and press all of his clothes neatly when I pull them out of the dryer? Why do I make his bed every morning? Why do I care?

We were supposed to go out tonight. He came home, changed out of his work clothes and started for the door. When I asked him where he was going, he told me that he was going to play poker with his friends. So, I reminded him that we had "a date." He just told me he was sorry and left.

Of course, tears started welling in my eyes. And then I realized that he's a jerk and he's not going to change, I shouldn't waste my energy.

But, inevitably, he'll get home and come into my room. I'll pretend that I'm sleeping, he'll come give me a kiss on the cheek, then leave again. And then I'll fool myself into thinking that maybe he isn't so bad.

Why am I still living here?