When mortality slaps you in the face

My doctor called today to tell me the results of my biopsy.

For those in the dark (which is probably just about everyone): I had a routine endoscopy last week. I get one about every six months because I was born with a condition that keeps my small intestine from absorbing the nutrients that it should. Intestinal cancer can also be an end result of this condition, so they always take a biopsy to make sure there are no cellular abnormalities. Obviously, everything has come back normal thus far. So, when I saw that it was Dr. Abdullah calling, I was expecting the norm--that isn't what I got.

The biopsy turned up cell abnormality. Right now, that's all it is to me. If my doctor isn't saying it's cancer yet, then it's not cancer. I'm really trying to be as optimistic as possible. He's asked me to go in tomorrow to have labs drawn, and to take another biopsy (I am not looking forward to being put under general anesthetic again) so that they can run some more tests. I should know by tomorrow evening because they're pretty speedy about finding this kind of thing out--the clock may be ticking and all that.

However, I can't help but consider the possibility that it is cancer. The prognosis is always pretty dire for this type; Everything happens so swiftly. I haven't told my parents and I won't until I find out if it is for sure. I don't want them to freak out if it's not necessary. In the worst-case scenario, I'll have my parents contact my siblings; I haven't talked to either of them in so long.

Let it be known that I don't fear death--death is a part of life. Still, I'm 18-years old and haven't accomplished much.. I hope that this is all just a mix-up. All I want is to live a full, normal life: get my DVM, get married, start a family, etc.

I have a tendency to ramble so I'll just sum the rest up: I've called in to work, telling them what is going on (the reaction that I got was almost like they had just heard I had died). I obviously won't be able to sleep tonight.

In other news: at least my dance performance went well. I was planning to start sewing a new costume tomorrow, but I guess it will have to wait. I can foresee myself being in bed for most of the day.

... This blog has been too negative, lately. I promise I'll post something goofy soon.